Alone
by Earth Magician
Summary: PreOoTP Harry feels like he's alone with only one person, who can't always be there for him. Harry's POV


Alone 

Surrounded by people, yet feeling so alone. How can this be possible? Everyone is always talking to me, trying to be my friend. But all the same I get the feeling that there's no one. That I'm surrounded my darkness, not love.

Everyone walks around me like on glass, as if I'll break with the slightest pressure. I'm stronger than you think. If you knew how I grew up, then you'd only be even more careful. Why do you have so little confidence in me? Why do you think that I can't do anything? Why do you think that I'll break from Cedric dying?

Yes, at first I was in shock, and was blaming myself for it. But then I came back to my senses, and realized that it was Voldemort who did it, not me. Why won't you listen to me when I tell you the truth? Why don't you tell me what's going on?

Dumbledore, with all due respect, can't you see that I'm not as young as I look to be? I am more mature than most people twice my age. Can't you finally tell me why Voldemort wanted to kill my parents and I? Don't be fooled by my appearance. I might be small, but I'm tough.

Dumbledore, you don't know that what happened at the Dursleys didn't weaken me. On the contrary, it strengthened me. I am able to stand being alone. I can handle pain. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I'm sure that if I wanted I could bear the crucatious curse without screaming.

Our world is shaped by our beliefs. If we believe something completely, then that is reality for us. I know that I can defeat Voldemort because of my belief that I can. I believe that if I have the right training, then - then I could manage anything. Did you ever wonder why most prophecies come true? It's because we _believe_ that they will. Paraveti and Lavender believed Trelawley, and Hermione subconsciously believed them too. I almost did die, but I didn't believe it. If enough people believe something, then you can bet that it's true.

The whole wizarding world believes that I can defeat Voldemort. I believe that I can with the right knowledge and training. I've heard about your secret little organization. You work behind the scenes to destroy Voldemort. But the reality is, that not enough people know about your organization to believe in it.

I don't know about Ron and Hermione. Are they a light in the darkness that surrounds me, or are they part of it. Do they just hang around with me because of my fame, or because of me. But why do they tread on eggshells around me? They've known me for about five years! Doesn't that mean that they should know me better? Or is it really just my fame they're attracted to. From Ron, I think that may be true, but from Hermione…she only became part of our group after we saved her from the troll. Besides, she's _already_ pretty famous in our school. She's the one who gets the highest grades that have ever been reached since the founders.

The only person that has ever clearly been a beacon of light was Sirius. Sirius is like a father to me. His love is unconditional. I love him, and know that he does me too. But he can hardly ever be there for me. He's busy with the fight against Voldemort. But every minute he has to spare he spends with me. He's my light in the darkness. He takes all the pain away, and lets me be me. With him I don't have any expectations to live up to. He takes me as I am, and is always trying to better himself for me. I keep on telling him that it's unnecessary, and he ignores what I say. It means a lot to me, even though I tell him that he doesn't have to. I never knew my father, so he doesn't really have that big of a place in my heart. But I _know_ Sirius, and I consider him as my dad, even though I know that he wouldn't like it if I started calling him that. No, he'd think that he was taking the place that my biological father should have. But in my heart he will always have the place of my father, and all the more painful will be his death when it arrives. I know that he won't live forever, just like I won't. We are both mortals, like everyone else.

I hope that when the time comes, I can go with him. I can't think of a life without him anymore. I don't feel more than family love for him, but that already is such a strong feeling. If real love is stronger than this, then there is certainly nothing to beat it back, other than perhaps the strongest hate.

THE END


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